God damn, I’m really feeling the gravity today. I’m out here walking up the hill, taking a little break from the office and I feel like an earth mover. Some woman in her early thirties just jogged past and she looked like she was barely touching the ground. She was incredibly light on her feet, glancing along the surface of the sidewalk she moves down the road. Whereas I feel like I’m a tank – all heavy plate steel and treads chewing up the road. I’d give anything to spend 5 minutes feeling the way that young woman looked running down the street. I have no idea what it’s like to move with that sort of lithe grace.
I’m a bulldozer dreaming of being a sports car.
Oh well, maybe commercial space travel will get cheap and I can take a trip to the moon someday. Until then, it’s grind on up the hill.
Tomorrow I have my first appointment with a new dietitian and nutritionist. I have a lot of hope for this new relationship. One of my friends started seeing her couple of months ago and he seen some real progress around weight loss and diet, and I’m hoping for the same. I could use a little shot of something new right around now to reinvigorate me and keep me moving forward and I’m hoping this the ticket.
I’ve been doing a lot of mental and spiritual prep work getting ready for this new part of the journey. I’m looking at my old ideas around what I need and don’t need food-wise to get by, and I’m slowly working on becoming willing to let go of all of them in the pursuit of better system for living. It’s more than a little scary, but there really is no other choice. I can’t keep doing what I’m doing and expect to get anything other than what I’ve been getting, which hasn’t been much of late.
I’m ready. I’m ready for something new.
I’ve been joking with my friends that I am the most physically fit 65 pound overweight man they know. I feel like that’s actually true. I am in better shape than I have been for decades, which is awesome… except for that whole 65 pounds overweight part. Everybody says they’re still seeing changes in me but all I know is I’m ready to not weigh so much. In fact I’m so ready that I’m willing to do whatever I’m told. And I’m trying my best not to have an opinion about how awful it’s going to be either. Hell, it’s entirely possible that after a small amount of self-induced discomfort I will find a new level of freedom and function that I can’t even properly imagine now.
I’m looking forward to being teachable, and I really hope she can help me find the answers I need so I can lose the rest of the weight. A bulldozer can dream…