Well, I’m glad THAT’S over…
The last couple of weeks have been trying to say the least. Part of the ongoing fallout of years of addiction is intermittent bouts of stomach/digestive troubles, and the last two weeks have been a doozy! These incidents are apropos of nothing – there is no identifiable cause that brings them on, they just happen. Usually I can get things back on track in a couple of days, but this time none of the usual tricks worked at all.
Inevitably, this stomach trouble ends up making me feel awful all over. Muscle aches, cramps, the works. It has been hard to impossible to exercise with any kind of intensity. Stack up the lack of exercise, physical discomfort and the goddamn plateau I’ve been stuck on forever and my spiritual, emotional and mental condition has been greatly diminished as well. I simplified my already simple diet, cut out caffeine and started taking a muscle relaxer aimed at the GI tract and after a couple of days I can say that I think I am coming out of the woods.
This was the longest episode that I ever remember. I wish there was some discernable rhyme or reason for it – something I could control, but apparently there isn’t. So my job is one of acceptance of the situation, I have to give myself permission to feel bad and not get much done. Not an easy thing for a guy like me. I change the things I can and pray for a little serenity on the rest until the situation sorts itself out. Feeling bad and calm is WAY better than feeling bad and freaked out. I wish I had learned this a long time ago, but I’m glad I know it now.
I went to Pilates yesterday, not knowing if it was a good idea or not. I have been relatively inactive for over a week and I needed to do some work. I told Elisabeth at Redbird what was going on and she checked with me throughout the workout to make sure I was doing ok. The class went great. I was able to do everything except some of the plank exercises (which are apparently hard to maintain on muscle relaxers). Afterwards I felt better – mentally AND physically. The workout seemed to actually help my cramps, and it definitely cleared my head a little too. I woke up this morning feeling almost good. I’m keeping things simple, but I don’t need the medicine anymore and it feels like I’m past the worst of it. Hallelujah!
I’ve decided to cut almost all the carbs out of my diet for a couple of weeks, really just to see if I can do it. I feel great when all I eat is meat and veggies, but I have a deep, emotional connection to the carbs in my meals, which is something I need to address. Yesterday was the first day, and it went pretty well. It took some extra awareness and a little bit of extra meditation after each meal to get re-centered and realize that I am fine and nothing is lacking. These food issues run deep and it’s surprising the power they can wield. With a little awareness and intention I believe I can overcome these things, one piece at a time.
That’s the hope/plan, anyway…