It’s been a hell of a couple of days… I have never really had any back issues in the past and my hat is off to those of you who suffer from this kind of pain and discomfort on a regular basis. I have been taking it really easy (for me anyway) and it appears to be getting better, but it has been a challenge. Plus, the steriods always wind me up pretty tight, and the muscle relaxers my Doc gave me are like horse tranqualizers…. They definitely help, but they totally knock me out, and I really hate that. I have 15+ years of being at least moderately clear headed, and this fuzzyness is a drag. I haven’t ever taken one since yesterday morning and I still feel a bit zonked out. Plus, when I don’t feel good I get HUNGRY…
I have known from the start that I still have some work to do around my relationship with food. I was very diligent about working out all through the contest, trying to make sure that I burned 500-1000 calories every day exercising. I stuck close to my food plan, but if there was any wiggle room it was definitely with the food. Not being able to work out very hard for the past couple of weeks has really drawn my attention to my food issues. I know that 70% of weight loss is driven by diet and calorie reduction, but I am still very resistant to making some of the changes I still need to make.
I learned early in this journey that if I will eat 500-600 calories for breakfast and 600 for lunch I can eat a healthy satisfying dinner and hit my number without fighting the urge to continue eating once dinner is over. I just recenntly realized that I am back to eating 400 calories for breakfast and 350 for lunch, and every evening is a struggle again. And yet, I am protective of my freedom… samll breakfast and lunch allows me to eat a large dinner and still come in at my target, and I deserve… it’s the “deserve” that is causing me the problems. I am fighting adding to my ear;lier meals and giving up a big dinner ebven thought I know it is a better, easier way to go. But I can’t keep doing what I’m doing… it’s a losing battle in the long run.
So tomorrow begins a renewed commitment to eating more early. It will require some additional prayer and meditation throughout the day if I am to stand any chance of pulling it off, at least in the beginning. Knowing the right thing to do is great. Being able to actually do it – that’s a different thing altogether. And if I could do it on my own, it would already be done.